Service Announcement

I would like to take this oppurtunity to bring to your attention a hazardous occurence that plauges a vast number of male runners. It does not always happen on every run and the weather conditions have to meet certain minimum criteria but it is a problem that few men like to discuss but I think now it is my duty to shed some light on this phenemenon so others might be able to cope with this problem a little better.
    Nipple Chaffing.
Yes, running's dirty little secret. By the time you start to feel "the burn" it is too late. There is no turning back on your run. You just have to bear the burden and make it to the end. The weather can't be too hot or too cold. It has to be warm enough for sweat to start forming on your chest but cool enough so the breeze will umm...mmmhmmm...titillate your evolutionarily useless nipples. When that happens they extend outwards and try to start a fire with your shirt by using only the searing pain of friction. God help you if you are wearing a white shirt when that happens. They WILL bleed. Oh yes they will. Then the tiny droplets of blood will mingle with the sweat of your shirt like some sort of masochistic and shameful happy hour.
       Blood: "Hey there sweat, come here often?"
   Sweat: " Yeah I'm here almost every run starting at about mile one. I haven't seen you here in a while"
       Blood: "I know I know. Usually this guy is smart enough to wear band aids but not today"
    And blah blah blah.
Now blood and sweat have started to dance the run away down the front of your shirt and you know this because you can see it on the faces of the people running towards you. Yes I know it looks like my nipples are crying blood and no don't call the Vatican because this is not the stigmata.
   Can anybody guess what happened to me on my pre-race 4 mile run this afternoon?
Note to self: Wear your pasties under your shirt for tomorrows triathlon.
I just hope they stay on under water.